Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Here’s what Gen. David Petraeus had to say on Wednesday during a press conference prior to a scheduled speech at St. Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire, on speculation that he might be run for president:
“I thought I’d said no about as many ways as I could. I really do mean no. We have all these artful ways of doing it. I’ve tried Shermanesque responses, which everybody goes and finds out what Sherman said was pretty unequivocally no. I’ve done several different ways. I’ve tried quoting the country song, ‘What Part of No Don’t You Understand?’ I mean, I really do mean that. I feel very privileged to be able to serve our country. I’m honored to continue to do that as long as I can contribute, but I will not, ever, run for political office, I can assure you. And again, we have said that repeatedly and I’m hoping that people realize at a certain point you say it so many times that you could never flip, and start your career by flip-flopping into it.”
It must be nerve wrecking for someone as no-nonsense as Gen. David Petraeus to be constantly asked this same stupid question by the punditocracy.
Said Sheriff Mark Pazin of Merced County, Calif, after an inmate at the County Main Jail had a homemade knife surgically removed from his body cavity last month.
The inmate, 19-year-old Rance Johnson, approached corrections officials Nov. 18, complaining about an item stuck inside his rectum, causing pain, according to Deputy Tom MacKenzie.
Even worse, Johnson told deputies the improvised weapon — known in jailhouse slang as a “shank” — had been inside his body for three weeks.
He was taken to an emergency room in Modesto, and the 5-inch-long plastic shank was surgically removed, MacKenzie said.
“The taxpayer money does cover actual stupidity; hence this guy did have to have this surgically removed,” said Sheriff Mark Pazin. “It’s unfortunate, but it’s a mandated surgery.”
MacKenzie said Johnson told investigators he had no idea what the item was, that he’d found it in an interview room and tried smuggling the weapon by inserting it into his rectum. The item was wrapped inside tissue paper and placed in a sandwich bag before it was inserted, MacKenzie said.
An original way to visualize the decline of empires. The American empire isn’t represented. Perhaps in the next release?
Jim Windolf explores the science behind adorable animals:
“It’s part of our DNA to react to cute things,” says Meg Frost, who founded Cute Overload in 2005. “What makes me post certain pictures is if I have an audible reaction—a squeal—when I see the picture. I’m kind of annoyed at myself for having no control over thinking these things are so cute. […]
Specifically, [biologist Melanie] Glocker’s series of experiments demonstrated that the act of looking at baby pictures stirs up an ancient part of the brain called the nucleus accumbens. “It’s in the midbrain,” Glocker says, with a slight Teutonic accent, “which is an evolutionarily older part of the brain involved in reward processing. This region has also been shown to be activated by a variety of rewarding stimuli, including sexual stimuli, food stimuli, and drug stimuli.” Dr. Glocker is too much of a scientist to say so, but her experiments more or less prove that cuteness is physically addicting.
And FU Penguin fights back the addictive urge to cuddle this cute one.
This dog’s name is Snapdragon, which not coincidentally is the PERFECT FUCKING NAME for this Muppet-looking motherfucker. I was sent in this picture by a person pretending to be the owner, but honestly is there any possible way this is a real dog? And if it is a real dog, it should be taken away because it is clearly fucking out of its mind high. THERE IS NO WAY I’M COMING TO SIT ON THAT COUCH WITH YOU, DOG. I don’t care how many episodes of Planet Earth you have cued up.